I woke up this morning thinking, “I need a back up plan.”

Clearly, based on this video, parachute operation is not intuitive. Instinctively,  I would have used my right hand to pull the strap just below the front right shoulder, thus cutting the main chute and detaching it completely.

Splat.

Obviously parachutes are not designed by a worrywart who would put the DETACHMENT of the main chute in the most difficult location (the area where I can no longer reach thanks to a torn rotator cuff) and the deployment of the chute in a CONVENIENT, easy to access spot!

Not the other way around.

Really parachute designers – you put the left hand in charge of preventing one from plummeting 10,000 feet to a certain death? The left hand!

This is how worrywarts go through life. We plan,plan, plan and then we make a back up plan. We also have a strong urge to express how things would be designed if we were in charge of the world (especially parking lots).

We prepare for every life experience by collecting copious amounts of useless knowledge so we know what to do “just in case.” How do I  deploy the parachute just in case my guy passes out for some reason?

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Lying in bed this morning I began to do what I do best: what if  . . . . What if when we jump out of the plane, my head snaps back and hits his and HE is knocked out, what do I do?

What if HE has a heart attack?

What if HE chokes on his own spit and stops breathing?

Just to clarify, I had already spent several predawn moments contemplating what would happen if I were knocked out, had a heart attack, or choked on my own spit while skydiving, and decided it did not matter as long as my tandem guy was okay.

So I looked up which button to push, which lever to pull, which thingy to jiggle to open the parachute, just in case.

Mistake.

Do you know what kind of videos pop up when one types, “What to do if the parachute does not open” in Google search?

Scary. Sad. Videos.

I will spare you the gory details.

However, I did like this one (at least now I know where the emergency chute release is in Russia).

Did you know the chances of dying in a skydiving accident are about 1 in 100,000 (oddly enough the same can be said for dying at a dance party*), but the chances of dying from choking are 1 in 4,404.

On the statistically worrisome side, the odds of dying from falling are 1 in 184.**

Swallow carefully.

*http://www.besthealthdegrees.com/health-risks/

**http://www.medhelp.org/general-health/articles/The-25-Most-Common-Causes-of-Death/193