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A Worrywart’s Guide to Weight, Sex, and Marriage (and Motherhood) aka How to Raise Adrenaline Starved Thrill-seekers and Still be Fat and Happy . . . it took me most of the day to think of that (a Step class, a 2.5 mile jog down Lake Street, and a drive to Walgreens for a bag of candy corn).

This is my third title – I’ve learned a lot about blogging since the first title. For instance, people like original, catchy titles like Brainrant or Brown Sugar Britches. image_thumb10I’m very envious of the Brainrant blog title because it defines perfectly what a blog is; an online brain rant. I’ve been reading a lot of blogs and have come to realize brain rants, like all forms of expression (painting, poetry, music, literature . . . ) come in myriad shapes and sizes (there are over 400,000 blogs on WordPress alone).

Not all rants are worthy of publication, yet here we are with our brains splattered across the Internet; countless “works of art” posted on the wall of the World Wide Web like finger paintings lovingly taped to the refrigerator door.

I have been splattering my thoughts around all of my life. Before blogs, I had email, before email I had journals, and before journals I had tantrums; it just all had to come out. Hence, it makes perfect sense to me how JK Rowling had seven Harry Potter books just sitting in her brain waiting to be written. Oh, how I wish I had a Harry and a Hogwarts trying to bust out of my brain instead of thoughts on the recent appearance of an extra layer of droopy skin over my left eye (did I somehow miss a stroke while I was watching Desperate Housewives? Those of you who know me, know I’m not kidding). Suffice it to say, I’m no JK Rowling, however, I do aspire to refine my rants so they are more tolerable to read, therefore, I have decided to change things up.

image_thumb25In addition to original, catchy titles, readers like to be wooed by intriguing, introductory sentences (a hook), “As the children whined, I mouthed to Tony, ‘I’m having a margarita tonight’. . . .” Folks like lots of photos, not so many words (a problem for a parenthetical thinker), and simplicity.

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Nonetheless, readers want content as well, preferably witty, meaningful, well written content with correct spelling, punctuation, and capitalization. What defines witty and meaningful depends on the reader.

For instance, I loved this exchange between father and son from Mostly Bright Ideas: Don’t Ask, Don’t Yell because I have had this conversation so many times:

“So,” I say, “when you told me that chapter fourteen definitely wouldn’t be on the test and that you didn’t need to study it, I guess you misunderstood your teacher.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” he demands. “Why are you even saying this?”

“Because you ended up with a thirty-seven.”

“Thirty-nine, Dad! I got a thirty-nine! Where did you hear that it was a thirty-seven? This is what I hate about people. When they say things and they don’t know what they’re talking about!”

And this line from Brainrant because . . . well, if you have a blog, you’ll understand:
”Perhaps my greatest bitch about all this asshattery is that my stats are screwed up. You have to understand, the sparklines and the site stat features here are like crack for me.”

Or this conversation between Brown Sugar Britches and her grandfather:
i used to visit my grandfather in pomona, on my way to go clubbin’ and bar-hoppin’ with friends in los angeles. he once told me:
“i like talking to you”.
aww. what a sweet thing to say, right?
“really? why is that grampa?”
“because i don’t have to say anything at all”

One of my all time favorite lines comes from my friend Annie’s blog AnnieAgain because it truly defines what marriage is for us mid-lifers (if one makes it past all the weight and sex stuff – long story . . .):

“Rich developed a nasty little Achilles bursitis last year, so we are both often limping home at night, and it has created yet another bond between us.”

For the longest time, I had been worried (fancy that) about how obsessed we all are (especially my college age children) with our communal blathering rather than say reading a newspaper or listening to Robert Reich discuss the economy or understanding why we should give a darn about foreign policy. It wasn’t until I received comments from a Russian guy who graduated from the Moscow Institute of Physics and Technology in 1981 and an Indian guy studying physics at MIT, regarding something I said about motherhood that I realized how important this communal blathering is.

I find it fascinating that my middle age, bleeding heart, brain that wants to move to Berkeley, enjoys Brainrant’s 40-something, married three times, Army guy, likes to blow things up and never, EVER, wants to live in California again blogs. I also really enjoy BrownSugarBritches, single mom (I think), who goes to night clubs, and drinks Monster Drinks, writing style. I have nothing in common with these people (Monster Drinks are bad for you and “I” is capitalized) except they both make me laugh. Ultimately, I think this common thread of humanity and humility may be the best thing that has ever happened to this little planet of ours; a world wide community is forming right before our eyes (yeah, I just got that, yesterday).

BTW: Folks don’t like it when one gets too sappy, but they do enjoy charts so here is my workout plan to prep for the 10K Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving:

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Yep, those are football games on my workout chart (another little something I just figured out).