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pacifica suites 002

Well, here we are in the same hotel room I started this blog in . . . only this time instead of sleeping children in the room, we have our dog, our office, and the the contents of a recently vacated dorm room.

Tony didn’t sleep much last night; he spent the night thinking about everything  he is going to say to the dorm management (note: this is a privately owned dorm and not affiliated with UCSB)  today in an attempt to get our money back (thousands of dollars). He practiced on me this morning . . .

Scenario # 1: Sit down with Mr. ______ and list our complaints:

1. The roommate who was expelled from high school and investigated by the FBI for terrorist threats and who plays Gears of War 24/7 is NOT the problem roommate. It is the roommate whose hobby is smashing car windows and knocking their mirrors off for fun, we have an issue with.

2. Hard core drug use – have you seen the You Tube of the guy on meth or acid eating lint in the laundry room?

3. No place to sleep – room is always filled with pot smoking partiers who use bed as a couch. Smoke alarm has been disabled.

4. Person living under bed – an air mattress and human being have moved in under the bed.

5. Vomit, vomit everywhere.

6. Door broken down and property stolen.

7. Loud music blaring every night until 5:00 a.m. throughout building.

8. Frequent fights and arguments in courtyard and drunken/stoned/drugged tenants knocking on doors in the middle of the night.

9. Dilapidated room was a pigsty upon arrival.

10. Move in day was in the dark – roommates were sleeping well into the afternoon (turns out one of them had been taken by ambulance for alcohol poisoning the night before).

Scenario # 2: Same as above except as a Michael Caine imitation (only people who know Tony well, know how funny this is).

My favorite . . . .
Scenario # 3: Good morning, we would like to meet with Mr. _______. He’s in a meeting; okay we’ll come back tomorrow.