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One buys a scale about as often as one buys a couch or paints a room or goes 10 days without eating food products made with dough. Before I met Tony, I didn’t really need a scale; I was on a “natural” diet, aka I was broke. Since then I have gained and lost hundreds of pounds – my greatest gain138 pounds and my greatest loss 100 pounds, so scales are an important accessory in our household and I have devoted a lot of journal time to them.

Journal entry 14 years ago:
November 7, 1997
Ralphie broke the scale last night. He was dancing to our Space Jam CD and somehow ended up stomping wildly on the scale (I wanted to be the one to do that). The needle fell off and ended up resting horizontally across the zero. I managed to fix it by gently removing the face and placing the needle in the proper place. Unfortunately, seconds after I completed the delicate operation, Ralphie decided to examine my work and test the stability of the needle. He turned the knob around and around and around until the needle would no longer turn and then, he turned the knob some more. Needless to say, I am in the market for a new scale.

Ralphie could not understand why mommy was sitting on the bathroom floor staring blankly at the “sizing box.” He did not realize he had caused a major setback in my momentum; he can’t possibly know how the box affects my motivation. Clearly, it is not his problem that the box was off by five pounds in mommy’s favor. This means the new box will start me out at 162 instead of 157. I know I have still lost 25 pounds, but being under 160, even if it was only in my own bathroom, really meant something to me.

Eight years later:
April 10, 2005
I bought a new scale today, one with big numbers so I can see it. I bought the scale immediately after my annual physical. The first thing the nurse did was weigh me, and I was shocked by the number. I weighed 20 pounds more on the doctor’s scale than my scale at home! The doctor could not understand why I was so upset; according to his records I had gained only one pound since my last visit. What he did not understand is that I have been biking up Meyer’s Grade, spinning, weight lifting, flopping around in aerobics classes, and training for a marathon all in an effort to lose weight! And according to MY scale, I have lost 19 pounds!

“Patient is very distraught about gaining one pound,” I watched him type into his computer. He recommended the Atkins Diet (this really happened). To add insult to injury, while I waited for some paperwork, the nurse had me sit in chair next to the scale. “So you should be delivering the baby in the next couple of weeks,” she cheerfully said to the very large pregnant woman she was weighing. I peeked over her shoulder to get a look at the scale; she weighed one pound LESS than me. I left the doctor’s office and immediately drove to K-mart where I purchased a new scale and some Ketone Test Strips.

Six years later:
July 24, 2011
In Bed, Bath, and Beyond:

Tony: Let’s buy the scale with the biggest numbers possible so we can read them without glasses.

Julie (after weighing myself on each scale): I don’t like any of these scales.

Tony (after weighing himself on the one we purchased): Let’s bring our scale from Tahoe with us next weekend.